i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
