from now on my penis is your penis
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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