Kiss
Puke
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
