So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
