I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
