Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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