having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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