I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
