yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
