HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
