i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
