Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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