it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize