We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
