I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
