new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
