I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
