I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
