My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
