drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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