i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
