That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
