I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
