I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
