I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
