She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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