Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
