Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
