bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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