I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
