I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
