I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
