Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
