I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
