You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
