In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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