Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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