it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
