Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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