I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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