Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
