Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
