Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
