You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't turn off my feet"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
