Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
