I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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