if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
