went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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