I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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