She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just pee around me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
