I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
