That's intense
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
