East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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