Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
