whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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