We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
