I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
