I accidentally burped into my bong.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
