Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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