I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
