I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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