everyone is single if you try hard enough
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
