I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
