I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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