I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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