We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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